made the switch

Hey, everybody!

I finally made the switch to beehiiv. I’m not the most tech-savvy so I hope it didn’t blow up your inbox or send anything weird. If you no longer want to subscribe, please do what you need to do. I won’t take it personally.

This newsletter will cover the same stuff— general bloggery, pop culture, dating, sex, and relationships, and whatever floats my boat.

April is National Poetry Month. Many moons ago, I used to write a poem a day in honor of it. I also used to share a favorite poem daily. Poetry is my first writing love, and I frequently get frustrated at what the American school system has done to poetry. It makes poetry seem opaque. So many people think poetry is only “good” if you can’t understand it or if a dead white man wrote verse in rhyme. A lot of folks freeze up when it comes to poetry, like I do with math, but it’s such a beautiful form of creativity and expression. It can be whatever you want. Yes, there are rules, but writing rules are much more flexible than you might realize.

Since moving back home to Nashville, my poetry muse has slowly awakened. She would flutter her eyes, murmur nonsense, then drift away again, but I could feel her stirring. To help her along, I’ve decided to write a poem a day this month, and I encourage you to find some writing prompts and give it a go, as well.

I’ll probably share the collection of poems after I’ve completed the month. I wrote one last night and am definitely rusty, plus I don’t want to send out a daily newsletter. Several of the poems in my book Lilith, But Dark were the result of writing exercises and prompts. Sometimes the muse needs a hand. I think we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to be geniuses who can look at a cloud, fall into a trance, and wake up, having written a poem about the state of humanity that students 500 years from now will study in school. It’s okay to use available resources to give ourselves a little inspirational push.

In February, I wrote that I was concerned my father was dying. He passed away towards the end of March. I shared this news on my IG, and I want to thank everyone, again, for their kind words and condolences.

It’s no secret that my relationship with my dad was… complicated. We could’ve done better by each other. I’ve been having a really hard time navigating my feelings. I’m not good with death, in general, but I was not prepared for the level of grief I’m feeling. I’m not really ready to talk about any of that, but my first poem for this month touches on some of it.

His funeral arrangements are my responsibility, and I’m feeling a lot of pressure to do right by him and my elders’ expectations. I had thought to have him cremated and have a simple ceremony, but I found some old emails where he said he wanted a proper burial. It’s the least I can do to honor his wishes.

I have no idea how I’ll pay for this. He was a Navy vet so there will be some help there, but the funerary business is such a racket. Everybody’s gotta die so we’re gonna make you pay out the ass for it.

The financial stress from not working for over a year and now being responsible for the funeral of someone who was not very present in my life… I have not had very good days lately. But I’m still here! My friends have been really good about checking in on me, and I love them for that.

I guess I’ll save the pretty words for whatever poetry comes out this month, but man. This shit is hard.

• I recently asked people to suggest songs that have gasps, deep breaths, audible exhales, and heavy breathing. Here is that playlist. As usual, I did not arrange the songs in a way that make sonic sense and pretty much just added them as I read suggestions, so hit shuffle.

• No new book, tv, or movies recommendations this time around. I’ve been mainlining comfort shows. Amazon Prime is the only streaming service I have right now, and they have these “ON NOW” channels, including some where it’s a single tv show running 24/7, without the “are you still watching?” prompts after so many hours.

• Still looking for work and a personal trainer who specializes in working with women over 40. My 50th birthday is in 2027 and I have plans.

• Speaking of birthdays, my next one is April 7. I do have a wishlist that’s mostly cross stitch supplies at this point. I’ve picked back up the hobby to help ease my mind. I’m currently working on a surprise for a friend. My eyes ain’t what they used to be so it’s taking longer than I’d like, but it’s such a soothing practice for me. Sometimes, when I get stuck writing, I work on a cross stitch project so I can keep ding something with my hands while the back of my brain works on the writing project with no pressure. A watched pot, and all that.

• I’m sure I’ve shared this before, but JetPens is a great place to get pens and office supplies.

Alright. Hope y’all are doing okay and that you stick around. I’m still learning this new platform, so please be patient with me. I think my next newsletter will be more cheerful. fingers crossed